Well, to those who are in the thick of the fight, it comes as no surprise how exhausting life can be with a child with special needs. This weekend we went bowling, and I watched as my beautiful Elizabeth struggled to learn the basics of bowling, to hold the ball in the right way that would allow for success. I watched as she tried and tried and then “GOT” it. But it is hard to watch sometimes, as we have a typical developing younger child who was just shooting the ball down the lane no questions asked. Then to look at Elizabeth and see her working so hard.
Yup, it is exhausting, I think I had the kind of weekend that made me think and feel just a bit too much. I think I had the kind of weekend that made me feel a bit heavy hearted, I mean all our work and successes and we are still working on bowling??! I mean maybe I gave the act of bowling too much weight in the grand scheme of things but even so, I guess I can allow myself a rather introspective weekend.
I thought and thought about life this weekend, where will she go to school after she graduates?, what will she do? What if this or that happens? Yes, a bit too much mind draining thoughts but really who does not allow their minds to go down this road, if we are being truthful?
This thing is, I was thinking all this, and looked up at Elizabeth tonight and she was smiling and laughing at a movie. She was fine, she was content. I guess sometimes it takes a weekend like this for me or any of us to know that we can worry, think, or in my case obsess a bit, but ultimately it is how THEY are doing that counts.
She hugged ME tonight. She knows when I am thinking hard and she gave me a great good night.
Yep, she is wonderful, complex, amazing and if I allow myself to relax I see she is doing just fine, it was mom who was having the crisis. It was mom’s weekend to think but my special goodnight did lighten the load a bit. Have a good week