When They DON”T Ask

So many times I read about and hear about parents with a special needs child and their experiences with people looking and commenting about their child.  Due to a lack of understanding and sometimes a missing compassion gene, comments get made, looks get sent and we as parents die a little bit inside.

We try to speak for our children, we try to teach others about our children, we try to be their advocate, we try to get the world to bend to their needs.  Yes, each and everyday we live and work with our children.

I know from my personal experience that Elizabeth is with me ALL DAY, EVERYDAY….meaning I know I think about how she is doing, has she made any gains, has their been a problem?  I would dare anyone to challenge a parent of a special needs child to deny the above…..

But here is something that I have not heard about ….the people who do NOT ask about your child. The ones who do NOT show a genuine concern for them. This is not something I have heard many people talk about.  I have heard so many say that their families don’t understand their child or offer advice that is ill suited to the situation but what about the times when  you are with people who should care about your child, should ask about them in a form or a question that delves deeper than “how are the children doing?”

I know that so many times, people are afraid to ask.  I wonder if they think we don’t want to talk about our child.  As I have stated before they are always with us so to ask is really okay with me.  I would love to tell you about her recent successes, her recent gains, moods, grades or plans.  But  you did not ask, your question was a bit to generic for me to take the chance of unveiling these wonderful parts of Elizabeth.  I guess I hesitate to really open up unless I am pretty sure the other party really wants to hear and hopefully will be as excited as we are about the fact that Elizabeth did this or that. But can I chance it????

Those who feel that others in their family or circle of friends do not understand their child, they may relate to my topic today in a way….It is a hard thing to get that sometimes people just don’t ask….they just do not show their concern, or care.  There is no anger here in me as I write this just the all too real realization that some people are okay to offer a topical balm to calm what is to us a third degree burn.

Life with our special children is just that special…so to ask, to genuinely ask, is to us a gift, a chance to share what is our LIFE.  Please know that to ask in any other way than in a genuine way is just too much for us to decipher. Do we share? Don’t we share? and How much? and to simply not ask at all is just to us a sad denial of the very reason we fight, advocate, laugh, rejoice and cry.

My daughter is amazing, loving, caring and fun, worth every bit of effort we have made over the course of her life. Perhaps by not asking, I offer out that they are missing out on sharing the lives of these wonderful children we call ours.

Hope you all have a good week.

 

 

 

One thought on “When They DON”T Ask

  1. Michele, you have, quite gracefully, said everything that been stuck in my head for many years, in this blog. You are so very kind, even when your heart is broken, which is something I never learned how to do.
    You’re so right, when you say Elizabeth is so wonderful and amazing. The love that’s in her heart, is greater than any of the “friends” who DON’T ask. Just to spend one day with her, will change your thoughts about any doubts you may have about what kind of person she’s turning into. That person is BEAUTIFUL!!!

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