Here is How Our Vacation Went and Other Fun Things

So we decided to take a vacation this year. And like so many people, it has been a LONG time since we ventured out of the familiar streets of our city.

We decided to pick a week in June to go because we wanted to relax after all the graduation events for Emily, and sort of side step any basketball obligations that our son Michael had.

So we packed up and headed to a very quiet and sparse part of Virginia Beach and I have to say it was a lovely week of doing nothing, nothing and more nothing.

Everyone enjoyed it. Elizabeth loves the beach so much and could stay in the waves for an entire day and not want for anything else except an occasional snack. I am not kidding, she was out there 2 plus hours one day. Elizabeth has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) and one would think she might hate the feel of sand and it being stuck to her feet, hands and most surfaces but she doesn’t. In fact, she loves it all.

Now sleeping in a new bed? Not so much. And that my friends is the true struggle for us for vacation.

It is her fear of the dark that started all this sleeping anxiety. And trust me, it isn’t dark by ANY means in ANY room she has EVER been in to sleep.

There are nightlights, flashlights and cool outdoor lantern with adjustable strength lighting…all there to help her KNOW she can use them and all will be well.

We show her the place she will be sleeping weeks out from our trip via the websites we can access.

We talk about the room and where she will put her lights.

We assure her that she will have a flashlight and that she even has one on her phone.

AND STILL she struggles to sleep. And she knows it too because she made sure to get her own Melatonin “to help me sleep”

The first few nights are typically the best because, and this is my theory, she is still rested from home and so she is calmer and can handle to new bed/room better but as she increases in her lack of sleep and increased tiredness it is harder for her to fall asleep and that leads to more tired and well you get the scenario.

But I have to say, that she is quite the trooper when it comes to being tired, she just kept on beaching it, sitting on the deck and relaxing.

But the agitation was slowly creeping in by Friday. She was struggling to stay organized and needed help with things she would typically blow through doing and if she didn’t want to try she would get frustrated and grit her teeth. And our last night of vacation saw us hunting down a place that could do a to-go order or had outdoor seating that didn’t require a 2.5 hour wait ( kid you not) so we finally found a place and it was late. So Elizabeth hung in until she had eaten then she was “ready to head on home” only no one else was done. It was here I could see that she how hard she was working due to her system being tired. So we all finished up and headed out to which she then said ” Anyone want ice cream?” I laughed because she felt relaxed out of the pressure of the restaurant when she was tired and it was loud to then be calmer again. She really is amazing in how hard she works and she knows she is loved so very much.

But the thing that is hard for us is that we know she struggles with this one thing and we have done all the things we can think of to make it easy for her but the struggle is real. And it is hard to watch her disorders affect her days so strongly.

Like I have said so many times before, in my opinion, it all begins with understanding your child and their unique needs and how to support them.

I think that the things we did for her to help her were the best we can do and that communicating with her helped us understand her feelings and to learn if we can do anything else for her. Especially on the car ride home when we were in hour 4 of a 9 hour ride home and she says “Well, I am so tired I am glad we will be home in a few minutes.” We smiled and very gently broke the news to her that she had some time in the car to go.

But I have to say she slept like a champ that night when we arrived home!

So how would I rate the vacation?

I would so give it a 9.5/10. It was a blessing!

The Need to Look Ahead

So as Michael gets home today from school and I wish him a Happy Spring Break.

I started thinking that very soon Michael will be starting his basketball training and games. We did not know that he was planning on this until just a bit ago, so we have a bit of planning time ahead of us, don’t we?. Oh, and those games will be on the weekends. About an hour away. Every weekend from Mid April until the end of May.

And I started thinking about Elizabeth and what will she be doing when we are gone. Because there will be a few times that John will be on call and I will need to take Michael.

So where will she be or go?

Prior to COVID, she had her work, a significant time working with her tutor on the weekends and other activities. Some things have come back to a slight degree and others not so much.

So that leaves the question….what will Elizabeth wish to do?

Will she want to go to games? Probably, but not every one.

Will she want to stay home? I am sure she can but not everytime.

Will we be able to arrange for a friend to hang out with her while we are gone? Probably but not always.

So this puts us in a situation that I can remember from years before…called Oh-No-Now-We-To-Figure-This-Out-In-A Hurry. Part two of that title goes something like….If we only had more time we could get things pretty well set.

So while Michael will be excited, we will be that as too we will also be busy putting some pieces into place!

This got me thinking of the importance of living in the moment but keeping an eye a bit ahead…just a bit into the future.

When Elizabeth was younger I learned that just because I wanted Elizabeth to be in a certain camp, when she was younger, did not make it so. Especially when they filled up all the slots MONTHS ago.

Or happily deciding which therapy and time we FINALLY decided on to learn that all that debating lost us the opportunity to pick any.

Maybe one friend or companion is just amazing but when something happens in their life and they cannot be with your child, what happens then? I learned that having 2 or more is the ticket.

I have learned alot in the 23 years on this journey with Elizabeth and have made some really really bad decisions and some really good ones. I have learned from both. For those who don’t know, Elizabeth is my daughter with special needs. She has SPD ( Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia. Both are intricate and make life a great deal of hard work for her each day.

So will all this in mind, maybe now is a good time to think about penciling a plan for summer. Summer is actually is that things just a little bit ahead.

I know! Summer already?

But yes!

Just that bit ahead helps.

COVID is still a factor so that requires some thought as well.

What therapies are you thinking about? Who do you need to call?

What activities? Are they up and running? When do you need to call by? Who do you call?

Who do you think will be with your child as a companion, if that is in your plans.

I have learned one great big lesson in this journey and it is that I like having time on my side and not feeling the time crunch at all. Not always doable but I have to say, I certainly try for this!

So as we sort of scramble for our schedule in April and May, I also offer that the need to look ahead is real. And the gift of time feels wonderful.

I wish everyone a peaceful week and please keep wearing your masks.

A Trip to the Library: More Than Just Returning Books

– I really loved that time of life, when my children were all small, and the day was yours to do with whatever you wanted.  You know, never having to look at the clock and wonder if you missed the bus or if you had to hurry to get your child off the bus…the day was yours.

– I loved being able to run to the library, to the park, to get ice cream ( of course, WAY before COVID)….I simply loved and still love my time with my children.

– I could go back and re-start my family again I would do it in a second.

– Life goes by so quickly

– Life was so hard when Elizabeth was that age

– I see those relaxed eyes looking back at me in the mirror not as often since Elizabeth was born…WOW did I just think that? I know my eyes tell what is going on in my heart.

– Yes! yes I did

– I can’t believe I just thought that!!!

– It is true, so why do I feel bad thinking it??….

After this mental ping-pong game I then found myself reflecting…

Quite a few memories of our early excursions with Elizabeth float through my brain at this point.  I remember the tears and fear in her eyes.  The times when going to the park was too much for her to handle.  The looks from other moms and people, who had never seen a child like Elizabeth before….It had been hard….it has been so very much work.

“Why do I do this to myself…why do I allow myself to go down that particular “Memory Lane?” I think to myself….  It is not like it is fun or helpful or anything other than anxiety provoking….but still there I was…firmly walking down the memory path, when all I wanted was to return some books.

I wonder if other parents of special needs children do this?  See the parent who is simply content…and wonder…..just for a moment…..what it would be like….what it COULD be like…to feel that calm….that feeling of lack of concern or worry about meltdowns or overloads…to walk to the car after the library and know all is well.  That there are no therapy appointments to go to, or sensory diets to complete at home….just a car ride home to enjoy.

I don’t wonder often but sometimes I do.   Maybe it is my mood of the day or maybe Elizabeth is not having a good day or maybe it is just that time when I feel tired….those are the times I do wonder or think. Full disclosure the last few days with Elizabeth have not gone really well. Hard to say exactly why and we have been doing a lot of talking. But speed bumps like these days make me have a lot of feelings……

Back to the parking lot….

I kind of busied myself at this point getting my books out of my car and when I looked up, they were gone.  Just the back of their van was visible and it got smaller and then was gone completely. And just like that, “Memory Lane” was gone…  I closed the trunk of my car, hoisted the bag of books on my shoulder and went into the library by myself.  I kind of felt tired now, almost like I had had a bit too hard of a workout.

I know I am not the same person I was before Elizabeth was born, I know I will probably never be that carefree person that I was….but on my way in I allowed myself to think that in so many ways I am a better, stronger more determined and focused person than I would have ever been without Elizabeth.

That no matter what, my daughter is worth EVERY worry and effort….that not giving up on her, fighting for  her may be harder work than most will know.  But all of it is worth it when you think that you are giving your child the best chances in life.

By the time I came out of the library and got into my car, I was feeling more settled. There was no one in the parking lot and considering how hard this memory lane thing is.  I am not going to lie..I was quite relieved!

We are all on these unique journeys, filled with so many emotions each and everyday.  Who knew a simple trip to the library could come with all these thoughts?!

 I wish everyone a peaceful week. Please wear a mask.