I learned a few years ago about an app for my phone that can tell me where my children are at any given moment.

I can set beeps for me to know when they arrive at school, leave school and I can send them messages as well

This has proved to be quite a nice security as I can take a quick peek to see that Elizabeth is on campus or that Emily made it safely to her destination.

I am grateful for the ability to know that they are safe when our days were busy and we were all headed in a number of different places. It was nice to glance down and see that they day was sort just where you expected it to be. And sometimes, Okay I have to admit, a lot of the time, it was nice to take a final look right before bed only to let myself see the word “Home” near everyone’s name.

Home!

Safe!

Secure!

I have always liked the word and I have always wanted my kids to see home as their safe haven, the place they look forward to at the end of the day. And according to my kids, they do, or should I say did? Maybe a combo of both because due to COVID I think home has started to have another emotion associated with it.

I can’t completely define it but I can tell you that Elizabeth is feeling what ever it is it for sure.

I remember how happy and so relieved and achieved she used to be when we got home at the end of a busy day. With her special needs of global dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder, her days are hard work. So the relief she feels upon knowing she can relax and stop was pretty great. But since outings are by far less than before and her schedule is really different, she doesn’t have those exact feelings anymore.

As I said, I can’t tell you exactly what the emotion is but I will tell you some of the words she said, forgive me for lack of quotation marks.

I can’t take being in this house anymore!!

I need to get out of the house today.

It is best to do some errands to get out of the house.

I miss my work and school and getting out of the house.

Note the theme that is always present: Getting out of the house.

House=lack of choice and opportunities,

I am sure we all share these sentiments as we know the pandemic is just not stopping but sometimes her emotions really get the best of her and I can see the internal struggle she is having to be OK.

Last week was simply not a stellar week for us. She was full of emotions, some sad, some mad…ok a great deal were mad. And it makes me want to help her so badly. We talked a lot and changed her days plans around. Even decided some ice cream for lunch was a good thing one day. All those things helped a bit on their own, in addition, she knows we all love her and support her. I am sure that helped a bit more too! But in truth, those feelings simply needed to be felt by her for a bit. I think that holds true for all of us, no use pretending we don’t feel this or that…right?

This week, Elizabeth’s emotions are different. So much less frustration and anger. And so far, not too many comments about leaving the house….So I will take it and take her lead this week.

This pandemic has challenged us all, everyday. Emotionally, physically and on and on….

I know for one, I want to have back the time when looking at the app on my phone and seeing “Home” by all my family member’s names elicits the simple emotion of grateful and nothing else.

I wish everyone a peaceful week