Tag Archives: Family life

Here is How Our Vacation Went and Other Fun Things

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So we decided to take a vacation this year. And like so many people, it has been a LONG time since we ventured out of the familiar streets of our city.

We decided to pick a week in June to go because we wanted to relax after all the graduation events for Emily, and sort of side step any basketball obligations that our son Michael had.

So we packed up and headed to a very quiet and sparse part of Virginia Beach and I have to say it was a lovely week of doing nothing, nothing and more nothing.

Everyone enjoyed it. Elizabeth loves the beach so much and could stay in the waves for an entire day and not want for anything else except an occasional snack. I am not kidding, she was out there 2 plus hours one day. Elizabeth has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) and one would think she might hate the feel of sand and it being stuck to her feet, hands and most surfaces but she doesn’t. In fact, she loves it all.

Now sleeping in a new bed? Not so much. And that my friends is the true struggle for us for vacation.

It is her fear of the dark that started all this sleeping anxiety. And trust me, it isn’t dark by ANY means in ANY room she has EVER been in to sleep.

There are nightlights, flashlights and cool outdoor lantern with adjustable strength lighting…all there to help her KNOW she can use them and all will be well.

We show her the place she will be sleeping weeks out from our trip via the websites we can access.

We talk about the room and where she will put her lights.

We assure her that she will have a flashlight and that she even has one on her phone.

AND STILL she struggles to sleep. And she knows it too because she made sure to get her own Melatonin “to help me sleep”

The first few nights are typically the best because, and this is my theory, she is still rested from home and so she is calmer and can handle to new bed/room better but as she increases in her lack of sleep and increased tiredness it is harder for her to fall asleep and that leads to more tired and well you get the scenario.

But I have to say, that she is quite the trooper when it comes to being tired, she just kept on beaching it, sitting on the deck and relaxing.

But the agitation was slowly creeping in by Friday. She was struggling to stay organized and needed help with things she would typically blow through doing and if she didn’t want to try she would get frustrated and grit her teeth. And our last night of vacation saw us hunting down a place that could do a to-go order or had outdoor seating that didn’t require a 2.5 hour wait ( kid you not) so we finally found a place and it was late. So Elizabeth hung in until she had eaten then she was “ready to head on home” only no one else was done. It was here I could see that she how hard she was working due to her system being tired. So we all finished up and headed out to which she then said ” Anyone want ice cream?” I laughed because she felt relaxed out of the pressure of the restaurant when she was tired and it was loud to then be calmer again. She really is amazing in how hard she works and she knows she is loved so very much.

But the thing that is hard for us is that we know she struggles with this one thing and we have done all the things we can think of to make it easy for her but the struggle is real. And it is hard to watch her disorders affect her days so strongly.

Like I have said so many times before, in my opinion, it all begins with understanding your child and their unique needs and how to support them.

I think that the things we did for her to help her were the best we can do and that communicating with her helped us understand her feelings and to learn if we can do anything else for her. Especially on the car ride home when we were in hour 4 of a 9 hour ride home and she says “Well, I am so tired I am glad we will be home in a few minutes.” We smiled and very gently broke the news to her that she had some time in the car to go.

But I have to say she slept like a champ that night when we arrived home!

So how would I rate the vacation?

I would so give it a 9.5/10. It was a blessing!

The Need to Look Ahead

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So as Michael gets home today from school and I wish him a Happy Spring Break.

I started thinking that very soon Michael will be starting his basketball training and games. We did not know that he was planning on this until just a bit ago, so we have a bit of planning time ahead of us, don’t we?. Oh, and those games will be on the weekends. About an hour away. Every weekend from Mid April until the end of May.

And I started thinking about Elizabeth and what will she be doing when we are gone. Because there will be a few times that John will be on call and I will need to take Michael.

So where will she be or go?

Prior to COVID, she had her work, a significant time working with her tutor on the weekends and other activities. Some things have come back to a slight degree and others not so much.

So that leaves the question….what will Elizabeth wish to do?

Will she want to go to games? Probably, but not every one.

Will she want to stay home? I am sure she can but not everytime.

Will we be able to arrange for a friend to hang out with her while we are gone? Probably but not always.

So this puts us in a situation that I can remember from years before…called Oh-No-Now-We-To-Figure-This-Out-In-A Hurry. Part two of that title goes something like….If we only had more time we could get things pretty well set.

So while Michael will be excited, we will be that as too we will also be busy putting some pieces into place!

This got me thinking of the importance of living in the moment but keeping an eye a bit ahead…just a bit into the future.

When Elizabeth was younger I learned that just because I wanted Elizabeth to be in a certain camp, when she was younger, did not make it so. Especially when they filled up all the slots MONTHS ago.

Or happily deciding which therapy and time we FINALLY decided on to learn that all that debating lost us the opportunity to pick any.

Maybe one friend or companion is just amazing but when something happens in their life and they cannot be with your child, what happens then? I learned that having 2 or more is the ticket.

I have learned alot in the 23 years on this journey with Elizabeth and have made some really really bad decisions and some really good ones. I have learned from both. For those who don’t know, Elizabeth is my daughter with special needs. She has SPD ( Sensory Processing Disorder) and Global Dyspraxia. Both are intricate and make life a great deal of hard work for her each day.

So will all this in mind, maybe now is a good time to think about penciling a plan for summer. Summer is actually is that things just a little bit ahead.

I know! Summer already?

But yes!

Just that bit ahead helps.

COVID is still a factor so that requires some thought as well.

What therapies are you thinking about? Who do you need to call?

What activities? Are they up and running? When do you need to call by? Who do you call?

Who do you think will be with your child as a companion, if that is in your plans.

I have learned one great big lesson in this journey and it is that I like having time on my side and not feeling the time crunch at all. Not always doable but I have to say, I certainly try for this!

So as we sort of scramble for our schedule in April and May, I also offer that the need to look ahead is real. And the gift of time feels wonderful.

I wish everyone a peaceful week and please keep wearing your masks.

Some Summer Thoughts

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I was watching T.V. the other day with Michael and a commercial for water balloons came on
You have seen this one, I am sure, it is the self-sealing water balloons. You can make up to several dozen at one time.
I was watching these kids on the commercial wind up and throw them and I started thinking of how fun that would be and also how easy it would be to use that fun thing as a learning moment.
Like for instance that your child cannot throw well. How much more fun for them to practice this skill with these fun water balloons than a ball or bean bag?
And this got me thinking.
Summer is always thought of as a fun, relaxing time.
But the truth, for those who have a child with special needs, is that it is not quite the case.

While others are signing their children up for summer reading programs, we are arranging tutoring, so skills will not be lost.
While time with “nothing to do” sounds fantastic to many, for a child with Dyspraxia or Sensory Processing Disorder, this may actually increase their anxiety because open ended time to fill can be challenging for them.
So for us, summer takes on a new form, sort of a combination of therapies, schedules and summer activities.
And this is where my thoughts went to after I watched the commercial.
I think I see summer activities as chances to teach something to Elizabeth.
I have always, ever since she was very little, learned to approach everything as a teachable

So:
• Some may see water balloons, I see a chance to encourage fine motor skills as she tries to fill them up. ( unless you are getting those really cool ones that seal themselves :) )
• Some may see plain side walk chalk, I see an opportunity to play a word game or have fun tracing each other, to encourage concentration and patience.
• Some may see a fun trip to the pool, I see an chance for her to practice ordering and paying for her own snacks.
The list goes on, but you get the point.!”
For as hard as we work for our children from September to June, I know that we all want those skills and things learned to grow in June through August.
We want the summer to be fun for our children.

We want the summer to be productive, because it needs to be.

I know with Elizabeth’s dyspraxia, it is so important to repeat and review the skills and concepts she has learned. This is the best way to keep skills and concepts current.

I think the key, for me, is to see each activity. To see them as the fun thing they are and then ask myself what this activity can teach or reinforce for Elizabeth.

We are on the official countdown to summer. In our world this begins when Michael gets done with school. Which is eight days, seven if you go by Michael’s philosophy the you really don’t count the last day anyway. “Since we are only there a little bit”

I am excited for the time together and for the fun that summer brings.

And I will be getting some of those balloons. I know Elizabeth will throw them well.

I wish everyone a peaceful week.