Tag Archives: family

Who Needs A Break? Raise Those Hands

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This is not a new question that I am posing to you or to me.

I have had the feeling that asking has been in order for some time now. For me, it really isn’t because of any one thing. It IS because of all the “one more things” that have added up to the point where I can tell my reserves have gone down. And I am absolutely sure that those reading this will get it.

What does this lack of reserve look like in my world you may ask? Well….let me help you understand.

I have a pile of things on the kitchen table that Elizabeth and I were supposed to get through by Sunday. It is now Wednesday night and the pile is still there to which I say “Tomorrow Elizabeth we will do that work!” And then I say goodnight to the pile and plan to greet it again in the morning. Simply no brain space to get on in there and do it.

I have been on the phone with troubleshooting for my new laptop. Many times, for many hours to resolve nothing. Then I was on it again yesterday to once again, rehash the issue…for 2 hours and I have to say I am sure that the conversation I had will make for some seriously good “quality and training” options for the company to use. I have to say my impatience was showing!!!

I love watching Elizabeth paint her pictures. It is fun to see what she sees when painting a picture from an image. But yesterday, I watched as she set up her paints and I hugged her and headed downstairs to do some work I HAD to get done for me. I wasn’t there watching and that is not really me.

Michael forgot to pack his backpack the night before and we were a bit late today and it bothered me more than it should have.

I asked my family why they needed dinner EVERYDAY..I mean can’t they skip it once in a while? They just looked at me and waited for the “real” mom to return.

So low reserves for me takes on many forms and signals to me that I need to nurture myself so I can refocus, regroup and continue on….

I know that the pandemic has been challenging to every human on earth and it has an anniversary coming up doesn’t it. As I write this blog I am noting that today, ONE YEAR AGO, was the night my husband asked me if we had any extra food stored up and that he thought it would be a good idea to “get some more food into the house.” I was not sure why this was important, I mean I had heard of Coronavirus in January but not much since, but since he is a physician I assumed he had read or heard more than me. so I was fine with the shopping but it was when I got into the store to load up a cart that I could feel the eerie silence of the store and noticed a shopper walking by with surgical gloves on and a determined look on her face. This was at 8:30 in the morning and the store was pretty empty. I took the groceries home to put away and asked myself…just what was happening.

Now a full year later, I look at my storage room that has been loaded, emptied and reloaded too may times to count and fully get what happened. The thing that gets me is that one year later and we are still in the thick of it.

I know I just need a little time to regain my reserves and perspective but the work we as parents and caregivers to the wonderful special needs children takes a great deal of both physical and mental energy every day….without fail. We have fought the good fight BEFORE the pandemic but even more so during it. And it is so very challenging, WORTH IT but challenging. Elizabeth’s disorders of Sensory Processing Disorder and Global Dyspraxia make life hard work and require certain things each day. Things that are simply required and not optional.

I know I will try to take some of my own advice, advice I gave out a long time ago in a previous blog: To try and put something happy in each day to nurture myself. like: quiet time in prayer, a coffee picked up somewhere, a phone call to a friend or doing my nails. I need to make that a priority, we all do really.

I also have to see the good in the situations which challenge me, which I am typically pretty good at doing but with my reserves low I am not. I need to see that Elizabeth is overall doing well…it goes without saying we have our ups and downs but overall good! That we took crushed schedule, thank you COVID and turned it around to be all about HER goals. That she has her own ETSY shop for her art and much more. That the journey she is on does not move in a straight line and the twists and turns, though not fun, can bring growth and positive changes.

So I as the headline says…raise those hands. I wish I could see the hands of those people who are working so hard each day for their special needs child(ren) and who share my dip in reserve and we can tell each other that it is okay.

I hope my sharing may be something someone needs to know as they have their own little dip going on.

I plan to finish this blog and do my nails…..baby steps to regaining the reserve!

Please treat yourself….whatever that looks like to you.

I wish everyone a peaceful week

Michele Gianetti author of Elizabeth Believes in Herself

A Friend’s Advice

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I was getting on the elliptical machine the other day and like a lot of machines you have to put in your age. Sometimes, this is done by putting the numbers in like a calculator and other times, like mine, you push the up or down arrow until you get the correct age.
So the other day, I as I was advancing the age from its starting point of 35 years until it hit my age ( yes, it was a number of pushes), I started thinking as I watched the numbers advance. What was I doing at age 36, 37, 42, and on? And this was weird for me because I exercise almost daily so I had done this particular thing a great number of times.
But as I thought about the years, I, of course, started thinking about
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Dear Santa,

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Dear Santa, Again I have to say it is hard to believe it has been a whole year since I last wrote to you. I hope you are doing well and you are healthy. Our year has been one that has taken us to really happy places and through some very hard moments but you already know that, after all you are Santa.

I know you have read my letters the past two years and of course many many more when I was younger. Sometimes, I wish I were able to simply put down my list of toys like I used to, when I was little. But the things I am asking for are things you really cannot put in a box. I believe that Christmas is a magical time, with thoughts of magic in mind, I hope the things I am asking for could be possible.

When I think about what I want for this year, I think my heart wants peace. The kind of peace that comes from within and helps with handling all the things that come my way. Parents of special needs children can never really control what we will be facing each day, so this kind of peace is priceless. We have all faced days when we feel anything but peace. Please leave that for us Santa, I know you understand.

Something els that comes to mind, Santa, is how much I wish I could be in many places at the same time. I wish I knew how to always successfully be there for my special needs child, for all the members of my family, at the school and with Elizabeth at therapies at the same time. I want everyone to know how I wish I could be with them but I am just unable at the moment. I am not sure how you can handle this one, Santa, but it one wish that lays on my heart most days. I know that asking that is too much, but maybe you could help to remember to be present in the moment I am in, to focus on the now and leave thoughts of those other places for another time. Parents of special needs children can find themselves thinking and juggling so many schedules and thougths that being in one place both mentally and physically is a gift. I know you will know just what I mean, Santa.

When I think of this year, I can see the milestones that Elizabeth has achieved, the successes we have played a part in. I ask Santa, for all of us that we have a strong memory for these good things. That somehow we will all remember these good, happy moments. How quickly, we can find ourselves focusing on what went wrong or what we need to do, instead of calling up a good thought or success. I ask for all of us who have those special children, the memory of the good to shine just a bit brighter and stronger than the negatives. I know I asked this last year but I think this will always be on my list, if I am being truthful.

I ask for all of us parents to have the gift of words to speak for our child, when they cannot. To use these words to help others understand them. To use these words to teach others about them. This is hard for us, sometimes, Santa. I kmow this gift would be so helpful to us all.

I know there are two other things that most parents would put on their list and I am no different but they are patience and perspective. How many times am I in a stressful situation with Elizabeth in each day? In one with my two typical children? In one in “just life” How I ask for patience, Santa, patience to see it is just a moment in time. A fleeting situation. To But I ask Santa, for all of us parents of special children to have the clarity of thought to “live in the moment” to hug, love, cherish and be thankful for those we love so much, while they are hear with us to love, to hug or to look into their faces. So much of life is busy and sometimes that busyness obscures our view of just what is important right now.

I hope you like the cookies we left for you, Elizabeth helped to make them, She is continually learning and growing. We have all grown with her on this journey. We have all learned alot and I know that because of Elizabeth, her siblings have two of the most understanding and loving hearts. I ask Santa, that those working with our children in the schools be given the gift of empathy, and belief in our children. We know they can learn and succeed and we know how they learn. I ask that those working with our children have this presents…each and everyday…our children need them to!

I know I have asked for so much Santa.

Thank you Santa, for reading my letter, I know you will do your best.